Beauty of Love

The beauty of love & war is we will never know them well until, we are in a vulnerable state but by then our end would be closer & miserable but if we survive our failure, it will be something worth to savor like this life & it's moments.

So it's no surprise that the one's who failed ended up loving more than the one's who succeeded. It's like taking drugs, falling in love I mean. The failures here teach more than what actual meanings ever could. They teach us about life better(and to live better) than our dreams & successes put together but by then there wouldn't be much left to live but are we willing to walk that path?

Something in me tells, yes. We are all born to do that, make an aberration rather than stay satisfied. Look at life here, it's perfect to live. Ask anyone of those creatures out here, they wouldn't be cribbing much when they say yes, but we?

We are not satisfied with it because we need more. An aberration is better than perfection. So what do we do, we push the envelope fully knowing that it 'be only failures that would be greeting us as in the end like death in this life but we persist as this be the the only path to walk into a new world past these natural boundaries away from all this perfection. Art is an aberration to what life is here. An ode to our imagination & nothing comes closer to this like love.

In the end, the beauty of living life out here is in it's vulnerability. It's this that make us blush with grace as we fall into the arms of death every passing day

Memoirs of the Noon-Regd

"Good Morning, Sir! What can I do for you?" I asked him on entering.

'Take your seat...' he replied & added 'I need you to do me a favour...'

Why do managers always start any conversion with 'I need you to' with their sub-ordinates? I'm not sure, but I didn't bother asking him either.

As he continued I slipped into a convenient state of blankness, with an occasional blink every now and then, just like my PC. So much alike are we I thought, especially in giving responses to others. Well I have grown up to a stranger then.

Post my PM's sermon, I went back to my desk and sat back thinking, not about his task that I need to do but about my life & how I ended up here & not in any one of the places, that I had dreamed of.

Dreams? What are they? Why don't they work in all cases?

Well, back to square one again, to where it all started when I woke up, back to my dreams.

Dreams, what are they really? suave vanity of one's creativity? or an outlet to our repressed desires as I thought before? or a way of life for those ignorant kids & the callous and feeble youths, where they dream of making it big, for ignorance is bliss? or is it that the ever observant sub-conscious is trying to convey something in it's inimitable way to their conscious counterparts?

I wasn't able to come to any conclusions. So I decided to dwell further into my early morning dream as it is a basket full of apples required to quench all my unanswered questions, although at the back of my mind I knew that the time was ticking away for me to complete my PM's task.

Okay, one thing at a time & that would be my dream, I decided.

Well for a start, my dream was all dark & I was slipping into the darkness but from where? Wasn't I supposed to be at a racetrack? I tried treading further into my dream.

No sooner I tread into it, I was surrounded by a whole lot of angry mobs, jeering and hounding against me, for what? I didn't know. There was also a lot of pushing & pulling going around as well & slowly I was losing my sight & sense.

I have to do something. In desperation, I tried pushing them all away to make a way out.

'Out... Out... Get away...' I uttered in disdain as I was getting a sickening feel deep inside my head.

As I was trying to find a way-out of what looked like a spiralling maze of madness, I heard a shrill from a lady.

'Ajay... Here... Get here!!' she yelped in her cries.

I turned back to see through the crowds. There was indeed a lady, in a velvet dress calling my name. she had a flower by her ear. A yellow flower. I couldn't see much of her face though. It wasn't all that clear from this distance. So I tried making my way towards her.

'Ajay... Ajay... No...'

She shrilled more, as the mobs crowded around me.

'Ajay... Ajay...'

Suddenly, I started to feel all their pushing. What's happening? I...

'Ajay... Ajay... Wake up. It's Varun...'

I was shrugged back into my reality by my colleague. Time was ticking away. I rubbed my eyes & slowly opened up to him.

'So how is it going? dizzy?' He asked me cheekily.

I let a sigh of pain and replied 'I wish it was...'

'So what's bothering you now?' he asked me again.

'I'm not sure but you should know, so let me try explaining. It's not a problem when you have questions, just questions, for at least you have some questions, sitting on top of your knowledge which is trying to expand your horizons. It becomes a problem when you have questions on why you question? What with all the knowledge? I was once an avarice reader, now I hardly read. What with all the knowledge? So you get it? What are we doing here? why are we eagerly playing the role they ask as to into in this charade called life? why do we desire? why they ask us to have one house after another? one car after another? one symbol of wealth to another? why we oblige? what's the plot? what's your story?' I uttered with deep pain.

He looked at me with his courtesy smile, stood down from my desk, gave a pat on my back saying 'Take some rest, time may soothe you, not me or my answers' & with that he went back to the rest of the lot, chirping & cheering on his way.

I turned back to my PC & slowly let my fingers trail on it on a lost thought, only to shrug up in the end and heed back to the task my PM assigned me to do.

The time was ticking away but then flashes of my dream & my thoughts are constantly threatening to cloud my state of mind, thundering to heed to their presence & abide by their verdict. I was facing great difficulty as I stride ahead pushing myself into finishing my PM's task. The noon was near.

Suddenly when I was on verge of completing my PM's task the flashes return again & in a rare glimpse I could see who she was as she pushes aside the wisp of her hair that glides across her face. The lady with a yellow flower. I know who she is.

I jumped in joy, surprised on why it didn't flash across my mind earlier. After all how can I miss her, my Aasha & her inimitable style, the flower by her ear. How can I? beside who are the one's behind her? aren't they looking like my friends?

'Ajay... What's happening? Why are you jumping' Varun exclaimed in amusement which brought me back to my sense. My reality rather.

'Er... Shall we go for Lunch?' I replied cheekily trying to avoid an embarrassment.

'Sure... Why not. You don't need to jump for that...' he said & turned around to the rest and added 'What say guys? Lunch?'

After coaxing his colleagues into agreeing he turned back to me and said 'It's good to see the smile back on your face. So what's your excuse now, apart from this er.. breaking for lunch?'

I convulsed and replied 'It's about a dream I had this morning. A dream that had haunted me all this week & finally now, I'm able to remember it all'

'Did you say it's a dream? a Dream?' he said. His eyes were all sparkles.

'Yes' I nodded.

'That's great. Lets talk about it as we stride our way to the food court. Shall we?' he said & opened his arms & greeted me for a good walk chat.

I agreed & made our way towards the food court chirping about my dream on the way.

At the end of it, he replied 'Your dreams, they imply something, don't they?'

'Yes they do' I replied and added 'and that's something I got to find out as...'

Suddenly I was interrupted by the swarm of noise emanating from the food court. It came rushing in, filling my ear drums.

'Jeez' I exclaimed to my annoyance.

'Yup, annoying & inevitable. Come let's make it quick' he added.

As I stepped forward, what crescendo before my eyes was a food court full of crowds busy fisting, pounding & jeering like angry mobs demanding justice.

I immediately felt the fate of the repulsing around metal ball in the Pinball game, as where ever I turned, there was a pompous show going on coupled with lot of jeering & trifle talks. Where did Varun go, I didn't know & slowly I was losing my sight & sense.

I have to do something now as somehow it had started to appear all too familiar. In desperation, I tried pushing them all away to make a way out.

'Out... Out... Get away...' I uttered in disdain as I was getting a sickening feel deep inside my head.

As I was trying to find a way-out of what looked like a spiralling maze of madness, I heard a shrill nearby.

'Ajay... Ajay...' Varun chided me from behind trying to prevent me from slipping further.

'What's happening? Did I blackout?' I uttered in pain.

He looked into my disturbed eyes sternly, for a moment & then replied 'Eh, let's not dwell over it. Let's get going' & with that he pulled me away from those annoying glances around me.

What have I done. I...

'Ajay... Ajay...' he interrupted again for good and added 'Forget it bro... Here is the coupon, let's get some food now. Remember shit happens...'

Much to my relief I soon began garbing my lunch forgetting those annoying glances that had startled me a while ago.

After the lunch varun invited me to the smoking zone. It's been our norm, food court will be followed by the smoking zone.

When we reached that place, we were greeted by Ajith aka Sir for his knowledge. Varun greeted Sir, and slipped into his ritualistic smoking.

Sir looked at me & said 'Never trust others. Light your own pyre. Start smoking...' Well Sir didn't change much, not even by a bit, after all the these days of his bitter life, he still has his flair intact.

'Why don't you try lighting up your pyre...' he further added.

'For what for, others are?!' I replied turning down his offer for smoke.

'Do you really care?' he asked me quaint eyed. 'Now don't cuss me for asking that...' he further added.

I laughed & replied 'Don't question me, for even the most egoistic man will have to step out, at the start of his day to quench the quest of his within, which as we all know lay outside his realm, in the beyond & know what, it's the humanity that makes sure he gets a fair chance in that journey. So better say Heil to humanity & not cuss around
it...'

It obviously rubbed Sir the wrong way. He took a few angry puffs, looked at me sternly & bolted 'But Ajay, even the best spokesman for your humanity, at the end of the day starts feeling the urge to head home & close all his doors & windows & slip into his bed all alone or to be with the one he loved & that ‘be his lady & not any one of those strangers & that be himself included to whom he has sold this grand idea of humanity' he paused for a puff, then raised in his folded fingers his cigarette, like an Olympic lantern for the toast of all and smirked 'the grand idea of humanity..' & then nudged it a bit & let his gaze drift on to those fallen ashes, & then on to the flame end of the cigarette & finally rested it at the wisp of smoke that tried forming a shape before withering away leaving me to his gaze. He looked at me sternly & continued further 'and do you know why he did that? Hmm?!

'It's because of the 'I' in him, to which he adheres to very dearly. The 'I' is that, what we create based on our understanding of 'Our-Self' in our life & the 'I' that prefers selflessness, is an 'I' that wants to discard it's self, in the sense it's origins as it isn't happy about it & perceives it to be it's weakness & to strengthen itself from it's self, it needs more than the 'self' it had since it's origins. It now needs more. It looks to the beyond & it's because of this the man to whom the 'I' belongs, likes to talk about humanity to soothe the Intellect part in that 'I' & to prove he thinks beyond his 'Self' & it's needs, but an 'I' (a man) that's selfless, is in actuality an 'I' that wants to out-grow it's Self, an 'I' that wants to make a mark on it's own out here & to spread it's horizon further into the infinite & hence the man it represents starts raising his own house, his own family & at best his own troupe, from Moses to Lenin, Buddha to Castro, all who talked of selflessness & boasted the same for a greater good, infer humanity although Lenin & Castro would contradict that by referring working class here, have walked this path.'

'Sample the troupe of these selflessness men, & you will know that they have always cut a sorry figure in comparison to their masters & never could they reach the pedestal their masters adorned. Why be a leader of a troupe, if humanity infer equality, is all what they seek. why be the lead who commands? So remember, all who say they work for the greater good for sure have a greater 'I' lurking deep within, which they try satisfying at all times, be it Jesus or Gandhi. All they want is to soothe the inside even if they show they are there for the outside. All what you see around you every day, all that sacrifices that raised modern nation-states & all the religions of this world, for beyond, is all because of the need to quench the lurching 'I' in them & not because of humanity' he paused & went for another round of puffing.

'In the end, we have lost our humans & your humanity in their fights between 'Good' & 'Evil'. 'Thy-self' & 'I' rather. Better not to lose your-self in it too, so at best be indifferent, after all ignorance may be bliss but indifference it's nirvana' he concluded with his eyes wide shut.

'So you mean to say, there can never be selflessness in humans?' I tried prodding him further.

He was like an angry sage who's thapas has been disturbed. He looked at me like a thunder before sniffing his puff and continued 'Where do you want to run kid? At best you can avoid is your very own shadow but never ever you can of your-self. Selflessness? There's never been one like that. No matter what the 'I' tries, it can never break free of
it's self and it's origins. After all it is the product of their outcome & hence it will always feel that weakness, which will only push it further into the infinite'.

'So selflessness is non-existent in this life & it's death as well. As you see, when you die who carry you? Not anybody in the name of humanity but your own kins, they 'be your 'others' not anyone else and if your a big shot then you will be carried by your troupe, that's the best you can get out of here by expanding your... (he holds for a moment) er... what they say? horizons...' with that he chuckled & convulsed into his delirium.

'So you mean to say, everybody is selfish out here?' I asked him again as I was like a cat that sniffed some milk.

He paused to look at me, & then convulsed again into a delirium. After a while he looked at me & said 'It's not as bad as you make it out to be Kid, but yes, there exist just indifference & selfish in one's life. Look around diligently, & if you do, you will find this & only this and nothing more. So sleep over it...'

'Our indifference is from our nature & our selfish is from our brothers, life hence grows out to be unfair, and we learn this the hard way. So yes, everything is selfish, in essence self's wish if you are able to deconstruct your 'I'. It ain't all that bad, let me tell you why, it's because like a lotus in a mud-pond, fairness blossoms in humans, through the self's innermost wish. Though the self knows that things wouldn't be in it's favour when one is fair, it still prefers fairness in a masochist sense, for it needs an ideal to exist, one thing that it can't be indifferent to. That's the beauty of our self.
It's that, that completes us, for after all real beauty lay in spite of actual flaws...'

'So why isn't selflessness an ideal?' I prompted.

'It can't be, for it's self contradicting. If it's to be an ideal, it should be indifferent. Like art, like nature, never taking sides & in that sense they complement our innermost self's stance, especially art. One can live a life without it, but can one ever lead a life in it's absence? Can one ever?' he paused to look back at me as if he had a wanting to say something more, but rather let his look stay on me for a while, letting the silence to cast it's spell on me & then
shrugged himself back into puffing.

After a while, looking again at the flaming end of his withering cigarette he continued 'Talking of Art, if necessity is the mother of all creations, ability is the father we fail to talk about. We create because we are able to & not always out of necessity, especially art which we create not out of necessity but always out of our ability. Hence Art always has many a fathers & far few mothers although Art in itself is motherly, in the sense, it's something that we yield to like nature'.

He paused, took his puff & continued 'Desire to be loved, make us humans but enough of it I say as humanity will never takes us far. Far into the beyond, so Desire today to be an artist, for it will make us the gods, the creator, desire will, desire in an Artist's Will will & never ever you dream about these things, for dreams are desires of the weak. We are not one. Desire, so sky be your limit for they are in the realm of our Mind, in the realm of limitless & not of physics, which is full of limits & norms. So desire, will you, as an artist?!' he stood up and squeezed my hands while uttering those lost few words.'

'Er... Don't know, I'm not sure of what I want, for I'm not sure of any anymore' I uttered to my discomfort.

'Remember kid, Shadows are not actual reality, just like perception they are reflections of reality thus forming a part of reality, though they always have to rely in actuality to get their reality. So don't rely on perception to form your reality, your life rather.'

'What's the plot then?' I questioned.

'The end for any life is its death & the end for any question is its answer but then there is always more to life & our questions than just death or answers so never base the judgement of the question based on just answers & life on death. In short don't ever try looking for a plot' he answered.

'How I wish I was ignorant?' I uttered in pain on hearing this.

'Only the ignorant wish out here, kid. Remember that and don't worry about the journey ahead or what your final destination is. Leave it to life. It knows better for after all, Life is a great leveller, like water it ebbs & flows seeking its own levels. No wonder we couldn't hold them for more than a moment, and these moments. What shall I say of them, for no matter how bitter they are, they will always turn sweeter when we try remembering it later. That's their beauty, in being contradictory. So time a trickster? or is that emotions don't shore up for long? A few more cards up my sleeve before game ends' with that he took his final puff & stamped his cigarette & was ready to move.

'So?!' I prodded him to continue.

'In the end even the end doesn't matter' he laughed & further added 'as after all, we all are just impressions of other's reflections. our end isn't the end. There will be others who will take this quest forward. No matter how hard you try denying, this truth will come upon you like a tide onto its shore. So in the end, I'm still a nobody of somebody. With that let me take a leave of you.' and he bid me adieu.

When he tried to jog his way out he slipped & if not for me and varun he would have fallen as well.

He looked at us & chuckled 'Two steps at a time, can't manage more, Can we? But will our Will listen? Never' with that he sprinted his way out into the crowd & beyond.

Looking in his direction varun puffed & replied 'He is one hell of a man, isn't he?'

'Yes' I said & looked into his wisp of smoke & saw in it my life as it floated in the air trying to form a shape before withering away. I shrugged & muttered 'Inquisitive day, in an inquisitive life' & looked away from his direction while adding 'Er.. let's get going, shall we' and with that I made my way into the crowd to get lost, for a while though.

Prologue, Morning and Epilogue

Prologue


I couldn't make out what's in front of my eyes, as it was all smudgy. Have my glasses frosted? I'm not sure.

Where am I? Not sure either, but there was a definite push & pull happening around, and yes a lot of jeering too. What are they jeering for? I decided to poke my nose in.

Slowly with every step the frost view melted into a clear sighting & what crescendoed before my eyes was a racetrack full of crowds busy fisting, pounding & jeering like angry mobs demanding justice.

And then, there was an announcement from the speaker

'Ladies and Gentlemen, Hold on to your bets & breath, as your race begins (he then holds for a moment) now'

Wow... Galloping horses, a sight to watch & can be matched only by a fast gait stride of the free spirited vagabonds, truly magnificent but then out here, even these vagabonds are bounded to a track under the whips & pulls of their powerful riders.

The mobs are least bothered of it all, and are into a heightened frenzy with the onset of this race & I too decided to join this frenzied charade for, I had a why.

Slowly I pushed my way towards the railing coupled with my customary smile, to catch a glimpse of this frenzied charade.

As I reached the railings, the Guy nearby greeted me with a question. 'Which one are you cheering for?...'

I haven't made a call till then, So as I was prompted, I stood over the railing, took a look at the lot & replied 'I will be rooting for the dark one...'

After all, there is always something about those dark ones, which we may never know, though having willed.

'Wonderful...' he replied, interspersing with his claps he further added 'Although I would like to say may the best one win, I always wish it’s the one I bet on...'

I looked at him with my courtesy smile, stood down, didn't bother asking in which one he has layed his bets on, but gave a pat on his back & went ahead like the rest in cheering & hounding for their lot.

As the horses came for a cross, the slogans around reached a feverish pitch & the Guy nearby stood over the railing fisting & howling 'Go boy... Go…'

Then something strange happened at that point. As the horses were making their pass, there was a momentary pause, followed by a deadening silence, then the dark one looked at me as if to say something, but rather it let its look stay on me for a while, only to smile at me in the end & then it went back to its running.

Suddenly I could feel the slash of the whip on my back and a pull around my neck. The surrounding noise came rushing in, filling my ear drums. I was lost. The mobs, for reason I could hardly fathom, turned against me, & started hounding and howling at my state. Where did the Guy go, I didn't  know. Slowly I was losing my sight & sense quite rapidly.

I have to do something. In desperation, I tried pushing them all away to make a way out.

'Out... Out... Get away...' I uttered in disdain as I was getting a sickening feel deep inside my head.

As I was trying to find a way-out of what looked like a spiraling maze of madness, I heard a shrill from a lady.

'Ajay... Here... Get here!!' she yelped in her cries.

I turned back to see through the crowds. There was indeed a lady in a velvet dress calling my name. she had a flower by her ear. A yellow flower. I couldn't see much of her face though. It wasn't all that clear from this distance. So I tried making my way towards her.

'Ajay... Ajay... No...'

She shrilled more, as the mobs crowded around me.

Suddenly our Guy stepped in front of me & much to my surprise, he pushed me back with both his hands.

'Ajay... Aja...'

The voice died on me as I slipped into the darkness.

For a brief moment, I felt like, I was a fig leaf swirling under the autumn wind, in an abyss such as this life that is just slipping away, far further away into the darkness.

Where am I slipping into? I tried prodding further. Is it a well? Or am I into a cave? Or I’m between two mountains? Err It was suppose to be a racetrack isn't?! I'm not sure. I...

Thud!!
I woke up, in a bit of a shock. My head!! Ouch!! I clenched my forehead as reality sank in.

Dreams, damn them all. What are they? Can’t ever deny them, can we? Suave vanity of one's creativity, one is never sure of one's dreams, or its intent. It's like peeping into a disturbed pond of your mind, to get a glimpse of yourself, though you never sure of what's in your-self, however having let it slip away to the back of my mind, like a sly act rather, now all I'm left with is a tinge of pain right in my forehead.

So what was I dreaming about? Could hardly put it all, in one piece. It's all potsherds here, that is all the trail into the back of my mind could yield. Such is our self too, if we trail into the back of our life isn't?

Wish everyday turned this way like this inquisitive dream. Wish this life, in this day.

I looked around to see the sun prodding out of its veiling clouds.This knocking myself act has become a ritual this week around. I was getting a sense of Déjà vu. Every day comes to pass just like the one before, adding nothing more to my life, but a lot more counting.

'Let's break this cycle, for I shouldn't start a day with blotched head. Let alone a blotched dream.' I uttered to myself.

I Stood up & got to bed thinking what more my dream could have. Got to have an ending for sure, let me try scripting it then, for I have willed.

Are dreams, the masks, our repressed desires wear?!


Chapter 1: The Memoirs of a day - Morning.

Peep. Peep.

No sooner I started getting grooved for an end to my dream, my alarm shrieked me back into reality, bringing my dream to its realistic end.

'No, no no no. This can't be true. This isn't fair.' I cried in vain before twiddling across & setting it off but then at that moment, I heard it again, the voice was different but it was definitely my name that the person was calling. Am I still in my dream?

"Ajay. Wake up... Ajay. Wake up..."

As I was pushed around, I skewed my eyes in the direction of that voice.

"Ajay, your time is up... Now get your ass off that bed... Quick..."

Hah, back to reality, eh?

The voice is of Raj's & that is his usual morning greetings. He always works closely in cahoots with my alarm, surprising isn't? Don't be as they both have common purpose to pursue in life. That's to pull me down to reality, after all since when did this world & it's belongings let anyone, let alone me to pursue their dreams for long, for they will say that we are drifting far further away from reality, but if they could only see that we are actually striving hard to bring these two worlds together.

I wriggled and sat up. It was all dizzy before my eyes. 'My eyes, shit... This morning blues & not blooms.' I uttered & added '5 more minutes guys. Just five more minutes...'

With that, I cocooned again under my sheet. Good heavens! It's all bliss once again. I now need to construct an end, for I had dreamed.

Well, where was I? It was all dark, and I was slipping, but from where? Where was I?

Racetrack... It was a race...



Peep. Peep. Bloody alarm, can't it hear what I'm talking...?

'Ajay get your ass off that bed now...'

Well, apparently so was my friend, my alarm's compatriot. Unheard were they, to my needs. 'This world, what is it turning into? There ain’t any difference between Men and Machines nowadays, as they both fail to understand the other's sensibilities, if ever they had one. Call some editor!! This should be in today's morning bulletin!!' I yelped to my utter disdain.

I stood up, and as soon as I did that, I felt a thousand arms casting upon me. I was losing my hold & slipping, like a fig leaf against the streaks of morning light.

'Wow. You finally got up without much fuzz today. Definitely it's going to rain tonight.' Raj greeted me once again. Ranting & Raj are inseparable twins.

He Continued. 'Now head to the basin & refresh. It will be seven soon, so we need to be quick. You…'

I cut him off, with my morning pleasantries & prodded my-self to get ahead with the day, since I knew all too well that Raj can't be shut for long but then at the basin, I got fixated with the eyes in the mirror, the eyes that said it all that the lips in its cries could never ever, that I was in such a mess, my life was, my eyes they said it all.

Can't help, I looked back into my eyes, Life as I saw there, was nothing more than, chronology of one's chronic memoirs slipping away like a autumn leaf, off its tree. These memoirs look good when we don't remember much, just like our dream, as then the moment we live in is all the bliss we will ever have, Will will too & not our past for which we always have a secret longing with a desire IF for a change, a desire IF which inadvertently spawned our gods & their morals.

Our past, though is no different from our ideal desiring future as both are far away from our reach. Like those distant stars, we look unto them, as we go through our everyday struggle in life. Therein lay their charm, In being beyond. All erudite men realize this truth, as they grow but they don't dither and deter in their persuasion of life, of what lay ahead & beyond. Can I’ be any different??!

'Ajay, make it quick bro. It's time.'

Raj's stern voice broke the spell of my thoughts for now & how? Hmm. His purpose reminded him of pulling me back to reality, mine though will come back onto haunt me like now, on how forgotten, I'm on them.

Stop dwelling, there is a day before those eyes I reminded myself & started brushing.

The world which is usually in a fast forward mode became a tart too slower under the spell of the brush between my teeth. I felt like am holding a magic wand. Well that is the charm of our early morning, it's like our early life, where dreams are much closer to us than reality as we are, somewhere in a no man's land trudging slowly towards our reality.

I brushed off and started washing my face but then those eyes in the mirror, they where now smirking at me on my plight, as my everyday charade of running towards the life has started. It's no different from that of a race horse speeding off in the racetrack under the whip & pull of its rider. Who is my rider here? Fate or this system? I quivered in pain. I tried washing away those smirks but no matter how many times I tired splashing my face with water, but the smirk refused to go. The more I splashed, the more I could of the whip and pull. Soon the smirk broke into a laughter, the echoes of which started reeling in my ears.

The ones with nightmares they would say, that you can take a face out of a smirk but never a smirk out of a face & then all of sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quivered again before skewing back, it was Raj much to my relief. With an effervescent smile he looked at me & with all the more caring he asked 'Haunting dreams again?!'

Surprised at his rant-less approach, I nodded with a faint yes after all this isn't the first morning I'm having such trouble. This has been the story of this week. Raj knew it all too well. Hence he looked up at me with all the more caring and said 'It's fine bro, cheer up!! Your nightmares will soon find itself out of place in this broad daylight, for they always rely on the tricks of our nights, counting on when we are not that sure. Go wash away your sleep and these nightmares. This day is waiting for you. Carpe Diem...'

He ended with a hiss that countered the spell on me, for good. Soon I slipped under the shower to cleanse the prodding thoughts & got baptized for the day, or so I thought.

Moments later, we were travelling in his bike heading for our office. It was a beautiful day, bathed afresh by those late night showers. The sun was gleaming across the horizon lighting various colors in our sky & in our mind. The sky as always comes on to represent what mind can at all times, it’s in being limitless. That's the desire deep down in all our minds. To be Limitless, in this life.

'Ajay! Ajay! Still clouded in those thoughts? Quit thinking bro, be an idiot, for after all ignorance is bliss. What say? Ajay are you listening?'

'Yes, no. I don't know.' I blurted out rapidly as the spells of my thoughts were broken once again. I somehow couldn't put to words on how much I wished I was ignorant at that moment, for there was an underlying fear. Why? I don't know. I could feel the whip of the racing horse again.

Raj paused for a while waiting for some more response from my end. Since I didn't prod further, he murmured a bit but went ahead with his driving. I looked away from the skies, into the bristling vehicles, fagged trees, strayed dogs, stagnant water all lit to thy eyes by those streaks of light spilling out of those up above clouds. All this is for what? Whom are we trying to please here, with this existence? And whose charade is this anyway?

I don't know but not wanting to be caught again for dwelling I strayed further away. Down the road my eyes caught sight of a head shattered cat bled to its death, not a pleasing sight, not something I would wish watching very early in the day but strangely neither can I draw my eyes away. It's an arresting experience after all, watching the dead, of the unknown to be precise. I felt bad, quite bad on knowing this, as I still couldn't draw my eyes away.

To add to my woes, we got struck there, thanks to this great Indian traffic while the carcass having lost its pair is now readily drawing the others. Flies, on having crossed past those dried blood stains are having a gala of feast on those wounded flesh. Is one's death the others feast?

I couldn't ignore the sight even as Raj whizzed away, the moment the traffic eased. I kept turning back until carcass blurted away as a dot. Is watching the dead, voyeuristic for the alive? I didn't know. I sank deeper into my thoughts for how much so I may detest them, they will always be the first I would turn up to if I have to tread further into this abyss called life.

I questioned again. Is it voyeuristic? Watching the dead? If so then, is this also a reason that draws men to war. To watch the death delivered by their very own hands to others, thereby trumping the others in our stay out here? What is war? An excuse for unleashing our repressed desires? Isn’t that the job of our dreams?! Though a war, may start for a reason or righteousness or so we say, we never know when to end, as when we go too deep, we discard the reason & the righteousness & start falling in love with war, feeling voyeuristic, result no more a matter of our concern, just the process, the process of exercising one's power is all that we crave for.

So is there an end to war? Will there ever be a peace? May be, for wars are very much like a forest fire mostly sparked off by a small tiff, it rages on bequeathing only to its elder never to the wiser. In the end though, they all go down as ashes, of no consequence.





So, is life like war? As life too like war is sparked off by a small tiff from the eyes of our beloved, a tiff that starts a raging fire from deep within, of great consequence it erupts as us in here but we bequeath ourselves to a greater rage in love, war, passion or desire although in the end, it all smolders down to ashes as death, the only consequential act in an inconsequential life.

Is this all, our life is about? An inconsequential race where death is its only consequential end?! Is it of no difference whether it’s the life of a man or of a cat for in the end, after all the run for the dreams, and for the desires, it's only the death that greets us at the finishing line neither the beyond nor the limitless, that the mind
aspires to. I shuddered at that thought as I could feel the whip of the race horse once again. What are we racing upto, if death is all that may greet us.

When I reached my office the dead cat was still hovering over my mind & the whips too. I told Raj that I will check back with him by evening & walked away to my office with a pang of conscience.

Life? Could I love it? This morning memoirs are clouding my judgment if so could I hate this life? Somehow I could do neither, much to my chagrin. After all a life is all I got, for even if I have to hate it or love it, it will all be in this one life, that I got.

With so much of emotions convulsing deep within, I reached my desk & started my PC. Much like me, it too had a slow start for the day & as it was booting, I noticed the cursor making more blinks when prompted unlike me, on a query. Realizing this, I couldn't help but convulse with a mighty roar, inviting annoying glances from my nearby cubicles.

So I cut down my tone & went ahead with my morning task of grazing through my mails wondering on how well I'm able to connect with this device & share a good laugh, something that eluded me throughout my journey, this morning.

Just then my manager pinged me asking me to catch up with him at his desk for some work. I didn't have much hope on the task ahead, after all the script doesn't change much in IT isn't? So I gave a gentle tab to my PC head & took my strides towards my manager's cubicle.



I don’t believe in any, anymore.



Epilogue


Dreams are pulling me into their world & Desires are pushing me in this world. In this push & pull of life I'm losing track of what reality is as I slipped into yet another moment of roar & utter chaos with a racetrack full of crowds busy fisting, pounding & jeering like angry mobs demanding justice.


There I could see 'My' Aasha in her Velvet gown & white gloves with a yellow flower over her ear asking me to come by her side, beside her was Garv giving a welcome nod to me. Then there was Raj standing on top of the railing & rooting his hand for the dark horse & Sir who was clapping cheerfully over the proceedings with a smoking pipe over his mouth.


Apparently with the onset of the race the crowd had gone into a heightened frenzy & I too decided to join this frenzied charade beside my group for, I had a why.


As I head closer, Aasha pulled me towards her by my hands, and gave me a hug & a kiss, and then she stokes my chin & whispers by my ear saying "Ajay look!!..."


She let her right arm wag a bit before pointing at the dark horse that's leading the pack against a verdant background.


"That's the one we made our bets at, remember & that’s the one up in front..." she yelped that last part in excitement.


Then something strange happened at that point. As the horses were making their pass, there was a momentary pause, followed by a deadening silence, then the dark one looked at me as if to say something, but rather it let its look stay on me for a while, only to smile at me in the end & then it went back to its running.


Suddenly I could feel the slash of the whip on my back and a pull around my neck. The surrounding noise came rushing in, filling my ear drums, the mobs, all of them, turned around to give me an annoying look.


Those eyes & those smiles I seen them somewhere they looked all too familiar, & then the realization hit me, for it was the eyes & the smirks of my face in the mirror. Am I the horse?


With the onset of this realization I looked up at that horse. I could feel even more now, his fast breathing, the sweat on his forehead, the pain of his tiring legs, the whips of those lashes & the pull from the one above.


This sensation was too much for me to hold. I was caught short of my breath & lost my balance, & if not for Aasha I would have blackened out. She backed up & took hold me up & then gave me a very puzzling look on what had happened.


After a moment of blankness when I felt I was slipping  once again into an abyss, I for once looked into her eyes & then to those queering eyes of mobs and those of my friends who like the rest, seemed to have taken a pause from the proceedings to look at me, at what happened & began smiling in my customary way.


The ones who paused, on seeing that smile on me, turned back & slipped into their jeering act as business as usual.


I then looked up at Aasha having realized my truth, or should I say my fate & gave her back an assured smile that all is well right now. She then coyly closed her arms around my neck with smiling lips & teary eyed & a look that sparkled well through the rest of my night.


While somewhere in the racetrack, the dark horse was gaining momentum towards the finishing line with a slash of the whip from above.


If happiness is what, you desire for, never be awake.

Memoirs of the day

Prologue

Where am I? Not sure. It was all dark like a night sky, night sky?! Where are the Stars then?

"Ajay... Ajay..."

Is that a voice? All I could hear was a stiff breeze whistling across here. Then I heard it again a definite shrill, right behind my back.

"Ajay... Aja..."

I quivered, on hearing it so close, turned back & then...

For a brief moment I felt like a fig leaf swirling under the autumn wind, in an abyss such as this life that is just slipping away, far further away. Where am I? I tried prodding further.

In a well? In a cave? Between two mountains? Err I'm not sure. I...

Thud!!

I woke up, in a bit of a shock. My head!! Ouch!! I clenched my forehead as reality sunk in.

Dreams, what are they? can’t deny them can we? suave vanity of one's creativity, one is never sure of one's dreams, or its intent. It's like peeping into a disturbed pond of your mind, to get a glimpse of thou, though never sure of what's in thee, however now it had slipped away to the back of my mind, like a sly act rather, leaving behind a tinge of pain in my forehead.

So what was I dreaming about? could hardly put it all, in one piece. It's all potsherds here, that is all the trail into the back of my mind could yield. Such is our self too, if we trail into the back of our life. Wish everyday turned this way like this inquisitive dream. Wish this life, in this day.

I looked around to see the sun out of  its veiling clouds. This knocking myself act has become a ritual this week around, giving me a feeling of Déjà vu. Everyday comes to pass just like the one before, adding nothing more than to counting.

"Let's break this cycle, for I shouldn't start a day with blotched head. Let alone a blotched dream." I uttered to myself.

I Stood up & got to bed thinking what more my dream could have. Got to have an ending for sure, let me try scripting it then, for I have willed.

Chapter 1: The Memoirs of a day - Morning.
Peep. Peep.
No sooner I started getting grooved for an end to my dream, my alarm shrieked me back into reality, bringing my dream to its realistic end.

"No, no no no. This can't be true. This isn't fair." I cried in vain before twiddling across & setting it off. Right at that Moment, I heard it again, the voice was different but it was definitely my name.

"Ajay... Ajay..."

As I was pushed around, I skewed my eyes in the direction of that voice.

"Ajay get your ass off that bed now"

Hah, that’s Raj & that is his usual morning greetings. He always works closely in cahoots with my alarm, surprising isn't? Don't be as they both have common purpose to pursue in life. That's to pull me down to reality, after all since when did this world & it's belongings let anyone, let alone me to pursue the dreams for long, for they will say that we are drifting faraway from reality, but if they could only see that we are actually striving hard to bring those two worlds together.

I wriggled to sit up. It was all dizzy. "My eyes, shit... This morning blues & not blooms." I uttered & added "5 more minutes guys."

With that, I cocooned again under my sheet. Good heavens! It's all bliss again. I need now, to construct an end, for I had a dream, I was slipping away, like a fig leaf off it's tree? I...

Peep. Peep. Bloody alarm, can't it hear what I'm talking...?

"Ajay get your ass off that bed now."

Well, apparently so do my friend. "This world, what is it turning into? Can't make out any difference between the Man and his Machines nowadays, as they both fail to understand the others sensibilities,if ever they had one. Call some editor!! This should be in Morning bulletin!!" I yelped to my utter disdain.

As soon I stood up, I felt a thousand arms casting upon me. I was losing my hold & slipping, like a fig leaf against the streaks of
morning light.

"Wow. You finally got up without much fuzz today. Definitely it's going to rain tonight." Raj greeted me once again. Ranting & Raj are inseparable twins.

He Continued. "Now head to the basin & refresh. It will be seven soon, so we need to be quick. You…"

I cut him off, with my morning pleasantries & prodded my-self to get ahead with the day, since I knew well that Raj can't be shut for long but then at the basin, I got fixated with the eyes in the mirror, the eyes that said it all that the lips in its cries could never, that I was in such a mess, my life was, my eyes they said it all.

Can't help, I looked back into my eyes, Life as I see there, is nothing more than, chronology of one's chronic memoirs slipping away like a fig leaf, off its tree. These memoirs look good when we don't remember much, just like our dream, as then the moment we live in is all the bliss we will ever have, Will will too & not our past for which we always have a secret longing with a desire IF for a change, a desire IF which inadvertently spawned our gods & their morals.

Our past, thou is no different from our ideal desiring future as both are far away from our reach. Like those distant stars, we look unto them, as we go through our everyday struggle in life. Therein lay their charm. In being beyond. All true men realize this truth, as they grow but they don't dither and deter in their persuasion of life, of what lay ahead & beyond. Can I’ be any different??!

"Ajay, make it quick bro. It's time."

Raj's stern voice broke the spell of my thoughts for now & how? Hmm. His purpose reminded him of pulling me back to reality, mine though will come back onto haunt me like now, on how forgotten, I'm on them.

Stop dwelling, there is a day before those eyes I reminded myself & started brushing.

The world which is usually in a fast forward mode became tart too slower  under the spell of the brush between my teeth. Well that is the charm of our early morning, where dreams are much closer to us than reality as we are, some where in a no man's land trudging forever closer to our reality.

I brushed off and started washing my face but then those eyes in the mirror, they where now smirking at me on my plight, as my everyday charade of running towards the life has started. It's no different from that of a race horse speeding off in the racetrack under the whip & pull of its rider. Who is my rider here? Fate? System? I quivered in pain. I tried washing away those smirks but no matter how many times I tired splashing my face with water, the smirk refused to go. It broke into a laughter, the echoes of which are now reeling in my ears.

The ones with nightmares they would say, that you can take a face out of a smirk but never a smirk out of a face & then all of sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quivered before skewing back, it was Raj much to my relief. With an effervescent smile he looked at me & with all the more caring he asked "Haunting dreams again?!"

Surprised at his rant-less approach, I nodded with a faint yes after all this isn't the first morning I'm having such trouble. This has been the story of this week. Raj knew it all too well. Hence he looked up at me with all the more caring and said "It's fine bro, cheer up!! Your nightmares will soon find itself out of place in this broad daylight, for they always rely on the trick of our nights, counting on when we are not that sure. Go wash away your sleep and these nightmares. This day is waiting for you. Carpe Diem."

He ended with a hiss that countered the spell on me, for good. Soon I slipped under the shower to cleanse the prodding thoughts & got baptized for the day, or so I thought.

Moments later, we where traveling in his bike heading for our office. It was a beautiful day, bathed afresh by the late night showers. The sun was gleaming across the horizon lighting various colors in our sky & in our mind. The sky as always comes on to represent what mind can at all times, it’s in being limitless. That's the desire deep down in all our minds. Limitless, to be in this life.

"Ajay! Ajay! Still clouded in those thoughts? Quit thinking bro, be an idiot, for after all ignorance is bliss. What say? Ajay are you listening?"

"Yes, no. I don't know." I blurted out rapidly as the spells of my thoughts were broken once again. I somehow couldn't put to words on how much I wished I was ignorant at that Moment, for there was an underlying fear. Why? I don't know. I could feel the whip of the racing horse then.

Raj paused for a while waiting for some more response from my end. I didn't prod further. So he murmured a bit but went on with his driving. I looked away from the skies, into the bristling vehicles, fagged trees, strayed dogs, stagnant water all lit to thy eyes by those streaks of light spilling out of those up above clouds. All this for what? or to please whom?

I don't know but not wanting to be caught again for dwelling I strayed further away. Down the road my eyes caught sight of a head shattered cat bled to its death, not a pleasing sight, not something I would wish watching very early in the day but strangely neither can I draw my eyes away. It's an arresting experience after all, watching the dead, of the unknown to be precise. I felt bad, quite bad on knowing this, as I still couldn't draw my eyes away.

To add to my woes, we got struck there, thanks to this great Indian traffic while the carcass having lost its pair is now readily drawing the others who on having crossed past those dried blood stains are having a gala of feast on those wounded flesh. Is one's death the others feast?

I couldn't ignore the sight even as Raj whizzed away, the moment the traffic eased. I kept turning back until carcass blurted away as a dot. Is watching the dead, voyeuristic for the alive? I didn't know.

I sank deeper into my thoughts for how much so I may detest, my thoughts will always be the first I turn up to if I have to tread further in this life.

I questioned again. Is it voyeuristic? watching the dead? If so then, is this also a reason that draws men to war. To watch the death delivered by their very own hands to others, thereby triumphing the others in our stay out here? What is war? An excuse to unleash our repressed desires? Though it may start for a reason or righteousness or so we say, we never know when to end, as when we go too deep, we discard the reason & the righteousness & start falling in love with war, feeling voyeuristic, result no more a matter of our concern, just the process, the process of exercising one's power.

So is there an end to war? Will there ever be a peace? May be, for wars are very much like a forest fire mostly sparked off by a small tiff a raging fire bequeaths only to its elder never to the wiser. In the end though, they all go down as ashes, of no consequence.

So, Is life like war? Well life too is sparked off by a small tiff from the eyes of our beloved, a tiff that starts a raging fire from deep within, of great consequence it erupts as us in here but we bequeath our self to a greater rage in love, war, passion or desire although in the end, it all smolders down to ashes as death, the only consequential act in an inconsequential life.

Is this all, our life is about? An inconsequential race with death as its only consequence. Is it of no difference whether its the life of aman or of a cat for in the end, after all the run for the dreams, and for the desires it's only the death that greets us at the finishing line not the beyond nor the limitless, that the mind aspires to. I shuddered at that thought as I could feel the whip of the race horse once again.

When I reached my office the dead cat was still hovering over my mind. I told Raj that I will check back with him by evening & walked away to my office with a pang of conscience. Life? Could I love it? This morning memoirs are clouding my judgement but then could I hate it? This life? Somehow I couldn't either, much to my chagrin. After all a life is all I got, for even if I have to hate, It will all be in a life, that I got.

With so much of emotions convulsing deep within, I reached my desk & started my PC. Like me, it too took its time to get itself up for the day. As it booted, I noticed the cursor having more blinks than me. On seeing this, I couldn't help but convulse with a mighty roar, inviting annoying glances from my nearby cubicles.

I cut down my tone immediately & went ahead with my morning task of grazing through my mails wondering on how well I'm able to connect with this device & share a good laugh, something that eluded me throughout my journey, since morning. Just then my manager pinged me asking me to catch up with him at his desk for some work.

I didn't have much hopes on the task ahead, after all the script doesn't change much in IT.

Quote for the day-4th July

What is War? An excuse to unleash all our repressed desires? Thou it may start for a reason or righteousness or so we say, we never know when to end, as when we go too deep, we discard the reason & the righteousness & start falling in love with war, feeling voyeuristic, result no more a matter of our concern, just the process, the process of exercising one's power.

           So is there an end to War? Will there ever be a peace? May be for Wars are very much like a forest fire mostly sparked off by a small tiff a raging fire bequeaths only to its elder never to the wiser.

Quote for the Day

A Man loses what ever is left of his potency, when he becomes a part of the Mobs. Hence the Mobs try hard in self exalting through angry shouts and violent reactions.A potent Man is never a part of this Mob groups, as he detest them with all his heart and so the Mobs always look upto the Man who is losing his potency to fill their ranks.

Quote for the day

Solace has a price in life, in our solitude, but can we trade our solitude for long? not plausible, this is a crowded world after all.

Quote for the day

The grass is always greener on the other side, for the alive, and the dead..

Quote for the day

In the a very dark night, I look up to the sky and wonder, what am I to say of this life, when a flimsy candle beholds a flickering flame, a flimsy life beholds a flickering mind, a flimsy sky beholds one to many flickering stars. Is there something to being flimsy? May be, as no matter how beastly man can be, he still needs a mother to borne him, out here. Well is this, after all the actual form of justice, to give the weak the reign over the strong. I fear, as i look into this democracy and religious doctrines. 

Ni8 dweller-17-jun-2011

Dance may perhaps be the first vice we ever learnt, it's from there we learned how to loose our-self first..

Introspection: The Truth, the play of Smirk, Cry and Dogmas.

Play 1: The Smirk

Why the Smirk? For no eyes can evereven Lie, forget the Smirk…

After a Plain day, Winding up myself before the Mirror, with those everlasting eyes, I wonder... What's in a Mirror, that makes us go naked in Truth, Is it the very frame of watching Our-Self, err the Heart in a Humane Form, or of our Inner Narcissisty, to boast to our Self of our Sins, either way, it is more Powerful than a Lawyer or a Priest, who harp on Good and Fear in our Courts and Churches to knuckle out the Truth from us, for Righteousness. Hooking and getting deeper into those eyes, I see Fear that rattle us there and Ego that propels us here. Complete absence or presence of Power brings the Truth within us. So, is it all about Power and if so am I having it now, enough to quench my desire?! et tu, mes yeux?! What about you?! What do you need?!

Seule la vérité,

ma beauté

Seule la vérité

(Only the Truth,

My beauty

Only the Truth)

for

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all

ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. (John Keats)

The more the presence or absence of power, the more truthful one becomes of one's self. The more truthful one is the more beautiful...

No later than I realized this, the lips goes for a curve and the cheeks try a trough, in short he smirks, as I frown. No matter how many times I splash the water on this face, the smirks as a stain refuses to leave my face. One can take a face out of a smirk but never a smirk out of the face, like the acts of Men on this earth, they are borne out of it, never to be parted again. So are WE, aren’t We?! born out for Life, borne with scars of our birth never to be parted again, aren’t we?!

Those Eyes, they glowed, the smirk I would say rather, on the utterance of this truth or rather a fact. These Eyes they have a language of their own, Language of the truth, the beauty, that our Lips can never express, For no eyes can ever lie, they thrive in the presence or absence of, power like truth, as truth is all they need, to smirk & glow or dim forever.

Over the years the Smirk have come to define us, and we anoint Moments that make our Life, with these Smirks, Thou Initially we may harp on a Cry as a revelation in these Moments, as an Life affirming act, which Well was our first Act of us as Humans out here, forgot not that no Great acts of Men has ever been complete without their Smirks, the Last final Act and so should our Life be, Oh!! How I wish, wish to have One, when I die, but not before the Tears flow through the dimples of my cheeks… but till then I will have to wait… et tu, mes yeux?! what about you?! what do you need?! A tear or a cheer or both rather?!

They also serve who only stand and wait... (John Milton)

May be ‘U’ are right, I may have to wait till my last shot of breath, to know. Till then I may have to run through the various interludes the Life will offer Me. Just like a Rain, that’s raining outside, these interludes might bring in a lot of fragrance from deep within. Let’s see what the day may hold for me further, as WE interlude with it.

Play 2: The Cry

Why the Cry? For no Lips can evereven feel Pain, forget the Tears…

The Rain, the Lagniappe, Nature has left for us, irrespective of the plundering we did with it. These speck of drops, when ricocheting back from earth brings out the fragrance from deep within, with a roar of the Thunder. The Tale is repeated elsewhere with us and within us too, through our Tears coupled the Cry, the very first act of us, brings out the yelp, the life within. The Life that comes with this roar from within, goes off with the roar from outside, in the Life we left on earth.

These Tears, Our Cries, make Our Journey, and completes, Oh, forget about its completion, it will never even starts without it. It comes with a Sense of Poignancy and so Our Pathos are defined with Cries, where as Our Ethos, are made up with Our Smirks. et tu, mes yeux?! What about you?! What are you made up of?

Jamais souhaitent apprendre cette vérité

(Never Wish to learn this Truth)

For,

"…Where ignorance is bliss,

'tis folly to be Wise." (Thomas Gray)

Why? Why you say this? Why now? Is it Vice to be Wise? I can’t ignore those Sparkles again in their eyes. They nod in union on the utterance of this truth that the Greater the Ignorance the Longer the Bliss be, up until you it.

Looking back, Our Childhood, the Age of Innocence, was actually an Age for Ignorance, and is still the only single moment that we all wish we traverse back in time, for then the ephemeral bliss looked like for eternal, and since then we lay emphasis on ignorance for in need of this ephemeral bliss and keeping us under the hood of dogmas, religions, gods, democracy, even the system, and everything including our very way of life, living and seeing.

Truth is no bliss, and so we discarded it long back. Cry is no bliss and so we try discarding it too, from our face, but little do we know, that it can’t be, and

"Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." (Friedrich Nietzsche)

To Cry, is to be Truthful, & so we Cry before God, Law et all, but before whom are we all crying, if not the Truth, which is Our Reality, and not the Our Ignorance, and definitely not the dogmas that tried filling in its place, and so there is Pain in our Confession, not cheer.

Play 3: Our Dogmas

As the Trees are, in our Landscape the dogmas are spread over our vivid Thoughts, for most of our Lives we struggle over with them, not able to comprehend, what they are, why they should be, but they are as those trees, an inevitable part of any landscape.

They are in, as Our Gods, Laws, Societies and in us, in our need for Morals, Goals, Ambitions and Dreams. They are everywhere but nowhere.

Why do we need Goals? Why a God or Morals? Why to be right in being right?

Why it’s a right to be right? and why not right to be right?

et tu, mes yeux?! What do you see in it all?

The Most real called Life being defined and put @ stake by the Most unreal called Dogmas?!

Answer me!!


<Will wind up soon>..