Chapter 3: Memoirs of a day - Evening

Chapter 3: Memoirs of a day - Evening 


I always look up to the evening break. That's the time I get to see Garv, a stoic hard core programmer struggling us ordinary, don't know why he is enacting this part. Didn't ask.


Our conversations always have fiery flair, so much so that I often tout it as a glowing beacon giving me, my solace as I drudge through these dark  days, but at times we do have one of those fiery flairs, that burns out of our hands which neither of us wished had started, but now having started it, neither of us wanted to end up in the wrong side. What's the topic? Well, it's about life. Didn't live worthy to defend or offend life but still when asked 'What is life?'


'To be lived' I replied.


'Decides who?' He prompted immediately.


'Decides who? Well, it's our own Self.' I asserted.


'Forget Self Stick to life', he grunted.


I chuckled back saying 'There isn't one without the Other'


Then there was this sparkle in those eyes. Well the tiger is out of it's lair now, Well that's it. There will be no handshakes this evening.


He looked into my eyes, smirking while asking 'If life is to be lived why bother chasing Values?'


I wasn't prepared for that so I preferred to prod him further. 'Well get to the point' I replied.


'Life has no meaning, no value. So it is for the ones who lead life. We all try in our desperation to beget some meaning by some value, so we say live dream desire have passion compassion because in truth life as it is nothing'.


'So Seriously, I don't see a need in living or dying or having any ambitions or emotions, there ain't a point, maybe that's the point, the essence in living or leading life can be summed up as a need to be needed, else there is no life to be lived or lead'.


'If that ain't absurd there is more, in one's dreams, goals, ambitions, that's the stupidity of chasing, but if not for the feelings we get from these, all these absurdities or stupidities or what ever you intended to call would have met their casual end, long ago... if not for these feeling... the basis for all these absurdities'.


But what are these feelings, without our senses & their perceptions, the one at Peace forever, but then we may not know its worth, do we?! thou now knowing it all, can we be really be at peace? Apart from death thou...


They are all, Sinister. All those defenders of life & these feelings. In fact they are its abusers too... But then I need a life to explain the absurdity of life... Well ain't that a farce... But then, those who made good with their ambitions et all, they never complain, they never cringe, the losers do, like me here today. But stand apart & look into all, our cringing is stupid just like their need to hunt their ambitions. Well ain't that a farce again'.


'This farce, our life is like a musical chair. We all run around it to the tunes, of our fate. Never be able to hold the seat which we had, when it all started. The music swoons by the hands of fate. If you look closer you will see that the only one who can assure you of any place, in here is the one with force'. This my friend is life. It’s value and its purpose. He stopped, having made his point.


'You do what you ought to do in life, Garv... You don't need to Justify, you don't need to be Romantic, when you love you do because you are able to, that's life'.


'Are you doing?' Came back his reply. 'Are you doing? tell me. If not why defend & If yes why offend by the Way you live?'


'Bro, Life as it is, is for yielding'. I finally let it out, thou not sure. I continued 'For there can be no true victory without yielding. Without life & its yielding there is no value around. Life like nature or our Mother, yields so others can have a value. It lays itself open to be used, abused, utilized & taken, so others can find a value for themselves. Like nature, like a mother life never regrets what it gives. In this it is fair. Hence sacrifice is touted as a great ideal in here, as in sacrifice we see nature, we see our mother, & in a way it truly represents life as it is & hence the sacrificer is touted as great. Your life has made it's sacrifice so that you may question it today. There is none that exist without a meaning or a value in here. Every single thing has some if only you look closer. This is life, it's use & what becomes it's purpose is a chance for the Will on our Mind to realize it's potent'.


'So you mean to say life yielded it's self for you, Ajay?'. He was abrasive.


I continued. 'Life doesn't have a Self or a Sense, but as long as it is there it will yield itself to what you do. It is in this sense it behaves like a caring mother or resourceful nature, without expecting any from our end, yielding their all for our better. In this sense I compare life to the senses of nature or our mother. In every sense life is the mother of will, in us'.


I quit at that point with a wry smile wrapped around my lips. 'That's it for the evening'. I said. ' Perhaps some other day some other time, we be able to see what it is beyond the limits of our view points, but today it's got to hang in here. Right here right now.'


'That's it for the day?! That's it after all that boasting on life?  Don't want to listen again to any more of my grunts?'


He roared with a laughter which kept coming at me, across the floor as I walked away.


Perhaps we crossed our lines today, more than once. It will never be the same between as from now on. In a way it's good.


I could hear his roar, after long.